To Daughters And The Sons Who Date Them
For the teenage girl or young woman who IS going to have that tendency to pack on fat easier than the athletic, gifted and/or Olive Oil woman and for the teenage boy or young man who is dating her let me give some candid advice to both.
To the young man: Love her as she is.
When we are young we are far more likely to be amazingly critical of the littlest of things. We’ve got our whole life ahead of us, we’re almost SURE we can NOT be stopped, we’re almost invincible, we don’t have 654 failures in monumental life-changing areas behind us and we just want and expect the very best. Our unreasonable expectations can also transfer to the young women we are dating. And they will feel it whether they say anything about it or not. And when they feel it? They feel worse about themselves. And when this happens? They do worse — not better.
If you love the young lady? Focus on what you love about her and all the good she is and does. If she’s got some weight to lose? Get over it. And make sure she knows she’s the greatest thing since sliced bread everyday you’re with her. If she’s got a few pounds to lose to be perfect? Get over it! Some day, if you spend your life together, and even if you don’t, as you are sitting alone looking over “old pics” when you’re in your 40s or 50s or 60s, you’ll look back at those old pics and think “Wow, what a beautiful girl, what the hell was I thinking worrying about that tiny bit of this and slightly pudgy that?” When she hits her late 30s and 40s and REALLY starts packing on the pounds as most do you will really wonder what you were griping about and maybe, just maybe, you’ll realize that what you should have been doing all along was simply loving her as she was. Who knows, maybe if you do, she’d lover herself just a bit more too.
Young man? At some point your wife will describe you to someone, maybe a friend, maybe a therapist, maybe a life Coach. Your wife may be asked — “And how does your husband feel about your weight and your battle with it?” What will she say about you? Will she say that she has always felt loved, appreciated and respected no matter what she has weighed? Or will she say that you’ve been critical, harsh and downright mean any time you’ve had a few pounds to lose? Be the former? You’re young. It’s not too late. You haven’t already made 20 years of mistakes.
To the young woman: As you spend an order of magnitude more time thinking about your physical attributes than your boyfriend love yourself as you are. Appreciate all that your young body is and all that you have going for you thanks to your youth and whatever genetic gifts have been bestowed upon you. Appeciate the fact that you can move and that everything works.
Remain ever conscious of the obesogenic forces working against us all and know that you very well may have to work a little harder and you may have to eat a little healthier than some of your girlfriends. In the end? Both of these things are good for your body, your health and your longevity even if it does seem amazingly unfair. The sooner you can get past that “unfair” temper tantrum the better.
Love your body as is. When that first or second baby comes you will begin to truly understand what you are today, a beautiful young woman with no baby damage, and no hormonal changes working against you. You will also realize, no matter how much it seems weight is a battle, that when you compare 40 to 18 it’s truly hard to describe how different the two women are. Love yourself. Appreciate the body you have right now. Smile when you see a picture of yourself and do it authentically.
Workout. Lift weights. Do cardio. Live a healthy lifestyle. Become educated in the nutritional and exercise sciences — at least reading books and magazines in these areas. Be proactive about your health and your weight but love the body you are living in as you travel this journey. How wonderful it would be if you appreciated TODAY who you are and what you are physically, as much as you will when, 20 years from now, you look back at pictures of you today.
Young woman? My wish for you is that you find your soulmate and that he is the man who loves you no matter what you weigh and who has never said a harsh word or made you feel less of a woman for being a few pounds overweight. But no matter what he does?
I’ve heard Zig Ziglar say that in our generation the three greatest words to impact our lives and those lives we touch is simply this “I am responsible.” Take responsibility for your life, your choices, and do what you need to do for you, to honor yourself, to get and stay healthy physically, spiritually and emotionally. That boy you’re with may not do the exact, right things, but it’s up to you to choose the health, the body you live in regardless of anyone else. And the great news is you can live healtfully, at a healthy weight no matter what your genetics, family history or physical clumsiness you may have. It’s the one area important to us all that we all have 100% control over.
David Greenwalt
http://www.leannesslifestyle.com