Death Is Not Last Goodbye
I wrote this originally back in 2006. Today, I did NOT attend a funeral. I am posting this here because I think it’s a good reminder for me or anyone else who feels remotely similar and needs the same reminder.
Death Is Not Last Goodbye
Today I attended a funeral of a family member on Tracy’s side. Please, don’t reply to wish me well — I promise we’re fine and that’s not the purpose of this post.
Being a sponge for human behavior and lifestyle management something struck me today that I just wanted to share with all of you.
This was an “open casket” funeral. This seems to give attenders some extra peace as they feel they get to say their last goodbyes to the deceased. At one time when I was a decade or so younger I may have felt the same because I didn’t know what I know now and do my best to live in real time with my family and teach all of you.
The last goodbye that counted wasn’t at the funeral — it was the last time you spoke to the person lying in the casket and they were alive. Your last “goodbye” might have just been a missed opportunity if you left or they left you and you never said a word — happens often — every day.
The most important things in life aren’t things at all — they are people. If you left one of the closest people in your life today did you say goodbye? Leaving what was MOST important (a person you love and who loves you) to go do something that is just “important” without a word, a touch or both? It’s a shame.
That all-important errand you had to do or place you JUST had to be took precedence over a person and you took for granted that you’d be back again — and they probably took for granted you’d be back too. If you didn’t say goodbye you missed the last real time you had to say goodbye if they never come back.
When my mother was killed in 1998 we couldn’t do an open casket. This bothered me little other than why we couldn’t. The last day I saw her alive I had said my goodbyes to her just as I always would. There wasn’t really anything I didn’t say to my mother. I have no regrets. She knew I loved her. I knew she loved me. And it wasn’t because we telepathically dialed each other up. We talked to each other — we communicated. We laughed. We cried. We said it all. No regrets. Truly none. All I miss are the years I don’t get. I don’t miss that I couldn’t say my “last goodbyes” because the casket wasn’t open. I had already said goodbye — I said it when it counted — when she was alive the last time I saw her.
This message isn’t to express the typical reactionary “Give those you love a big hug” blah blah blah as occurs when we all attend funerals. No, not at all. I didn’t learn a lesson today. I’m simply trying to convey to you that hearing what I heard just re-enforced what I teach, believe and do my best to do. And I’ll be the first to admit — I fail at doing it every chance I get. Let’s face it. I miss opportunities too. No, this isn’t the “Look what I remembered since a loved one died” message.
This message is simply this — be among the living and appreciate them. Say your goodbyes daily. Gain an understanding of the difference between Important and MOST Important. I can guarantee you this. MOST Important things are not your errands, chores, bill paying, work and general running around. The MOST Important things are those coming and going out of your home on a daily basis who do come and go, all too often, without a word spoken, and totally taken for granted. We can all improve this. No need to wait for an open casket to say your last goodbye. You can say it the next time you leave–it may very well be appropriate.